Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
