You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
