after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
