Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
