I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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