She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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