I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
