no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
