dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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