the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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