The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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