you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
