party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
