it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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