1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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