the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
