your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
