dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
