It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
