'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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