Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
