i don't like sucking hair
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize