dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
why does every cop we meet know your name?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
