Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
