im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
