dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
