you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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