I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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