dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
