He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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