i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
