I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
