I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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