ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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