i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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