Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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