I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
