So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
