i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
