My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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