so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
home. puking in laundry basket.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
