I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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