hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
