i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
two words...techno handjob
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
