home. puking in laundry basket.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
