can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
