What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
