p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
