So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
