Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
