I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize