We're facebook friends in real life
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
