I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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