im drinking this country out of the recession.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
