New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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