I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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