No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
