turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Found your dick twin last night
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
