Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
