whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
