He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
