We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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