I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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