it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He? As in you personified your dick?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize