I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
