STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
